“12th August 2026 — I was 30 seconds late feeding Fluffy. She hasn't spoken to me since.”
Witness statement 01The Scruffy Cat Incident Room presents
Cativity Board
An ongoing investigation into the household offences committed by one very small, very fluffy criminal mastermind.
Case File: Open
Case no. TSC-09LIVES
Evidence Board
Follow the red string. Trust no whisker.
“Sat in HIS chair. Received a death stare for 47 minutes.”
Chair-related offence“Closed the bathroom door. The howling lasted 3 hours.”
Separation incident
MUGSHOT
01 Add cat photo
01 Add cat photo
“Moved the cushion 2 inches to the left. Everything I own is now on the floor.”
Crime scene disturbance
MUGSHOT
02 Add cat photo
02 Add cat photo
“Opened a tin of beans. Not tuna. The betrayal was noted.”
Food fraud allegationThe Scruffy Cat Daily
ClassifiedLocal feline refuses to explain 3am zoomies
Sources close to the suspect report a sudden burst of speed, a dramatic skid into the hallway, and no apparent remorse.
“Sneezed too loudly. Cat left the room. Hasn't returned.”
Noise complaint“Tried to pick him up. Drew blood. My fault apparently.”
Handling dispute“Bought a £40 cat bed. He sleeps in the cardboard box it came in.”
Luxury property rejectionConfidential witness submission
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